True friends are hard to come by now-a-days and I am not sure why. I'm learning the people I try to be friends with only want me around for self-validation. Meaning, they will tell their story or stories to me in hopes I will somehow validate what they are doing, which I won't if I don't agree with it. I will, instead, question their motives, moves, thoughts and such. I prefer to get people to think about what they are doing instead of finding away to agree with what they are doing. I'm what's called an honest person. Sometimes, I'm brutally honest.
Then there's those that like to friend hop. These are people that are "friends" with you when they feel you fill their needs and when you don't they are on to the next person. Sometimes, the next person is someone the first person just told you they disliked and don't want to have anything to do with. Friend Hoppers don't worry about people's feelings. They are only concerned with their own needs.
Then there's the manipulator which basically sums up the above two in one title. But the manipulator will reel the person in and then get them to do what they want and eventually, let that person go without notice. Just as the Self-Validator and Friend Hopper does.
Why people do these things is an question we can't answer, but only to say these people are the most insecure people. So much so they are blinded by their insecurity that they don't see it or won't admit it to themselves.
So, how to be a better friend? I don't know how to be a better friend because I thought I was doing the right thing. But the one thing I've learned is, you can't be a good friend to someone who possesses the above traits. You can't be a good friend to the Self-Validator for they won't be around long enough and have already show you they are not with you for friendship, so don't waste your time. You can't be a good to the Friend Hopper for, they too, won't be around long, but will come back around when the feeling hits them. I strongly advise on not falling for the game. And the manipulator is just on their own.
So I'll just be a good acquaintance. As the saying good, since I can't be a good example I'll just be a horrible warning.
The following e-mail was sent to someone who was hurt over another's actions. I received a text and thought it best to respond via e-mail for my response is long and a bit detailed.
There are people that won't be honest when asked a question. For instance, when you asked me if I would pick up a item for you. I was honest in stating that that city is a bit far for me. You asking your friend for something and her ignoring you and why she did that is something you would have to ask her in hopes she is honest with you, or you can let it go and chalk it up to experience and put it in your knowledge base of her.
Friends are not the same as they were 20 or 30 years ago. The "friend" I told you about that I realized wasn't a friend at all...AT ALL, was the same way. I would text a question and got ignored or when I made a statement about me, I got ignored, but when it came to the other person, they were on top of texts and conversation.
I've learned, the hard way, to ignore people and only take things as they come. I no longer consider anyone a long term friend. I consider them a "at that moment friend". My best friend is the person I'm with and have been with for 12 years.
Take your dealings with your friend as a learning experience and deal with it accordingly.
I am not going to bad mouth your friend because she is a friend of yours and secondly, it would be wrong of me to do. I take my experience with others as that, my experience.
When we are young, we think we know everything and we don't think about the consequences our actions have on others and ourselves in the long run. I am now 45 years of age and think often of mistakes I made in my younger days with regards to people and I try to be a better person to those I meet today.
Don't let your feelings be hurt too bad with the outcomes of others. Unfortunately, that's how some people are. I say, as long as you continue being a good person and keep your head up, you're going to be alright.
After sending and a about an hour later I received a response that stated "Got your email. Very well said." Although I don't pat myself on the back as often as I should, I did this time. I re-read it and thought I couldn't have said it better if it wasn't me saying it in the first place.
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