Validation

On the final episode of Oprah (25 May 2011) she ended her show by speaking about validation and how we all need and want it. I kinda hold validation and acceptance in the same light. We all want and seek it one way or another. The following is my opinion on validation and the want and need of it.

Some seek it by the people they surround themselves with. The non-popular person my try to get in with the "it" crowd to gain some self worth and outside acceptance from those around them. Some may do it by making what ever issue they have going on bigger than what it is to get sympathy from others. This validates them as being important. Some do it through lies they tell about themselves to make themselves seem tougher or better than what they are. If the person they are telling lies to sticks around, the liar is obtaining false validation. Since the friendship was formed on lies, the validation is not only false, but to be short lived, for the victim, if they value their self worth, will see past the lies and discover the false friendship.

Some seek validation from groups of people while some may seek it through one person. Some seek it so bad they are willing to accept anyone that gives it to them - even if that person is not good for them. The whole love is blind thing applies here.

But what about the validation you can give yourself by being yourself. By not putting on airs for someone. By not feeling you have to do others wrong to make yourself look like the good person. By not demeaning another because your self worth is below the radar.

I used to seek acceptance/validation by many growing up and I think it has to do with being an only child. I am not saying only children do this. I even did it in my teen age years and in my adult years. But we get to a time in our lives that self validation is only to be seeked by one person and that person is someone who is going to tell you the truth. Who is going to guide you in the right direction and not lie or steal from you (see Shakespeare's Othello about stealing one's name) to either better themselves or make themselves feel better.

But people are not the only way we seek validation. We also seek it through the music we create, the poetry we write our novels/short stories that we produce and definitely through our blogs.

My validation comes in the form of the number of visitors that visit my blog - either this one or my other blog Words Without Sound. I used to seek validation via my music and my poetry, but I find blogging to be my greatest joy because I am either bringing joy to others, enlightening others, making other think about things or just bringing a smile to others.

I wanted people to follow me, but that's not needed. Those that are following me are greatly appreciated for doing so. Those that aren't are still greatly appreciated because it's not the number of face and names I see on the right side of my blog, but as mentioned, the number of visitors I get a day. I write for myself first and then for the readers be my regular readers who's names and faces I do not know or my new readers that I acquire everyday.

My main validation is my completion of the blog, such as this one. When I go back and read it and feel good about it, then I have validated myself first. When I publish it, the public will validate it by reading, which in turn validates me and wants me to write more and more.

Until next time:
"What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others" Confucius



-Thoughts From The Underground-